TODD THOMPSON
Leavenworth County Attorney
Don’t wait for death to call
I went to a funeral and I’ll admit it; it made me happy.
I was happy to see all those people I hadn’t seen since the last time somebody died.
My first steps into any funeral always transport me back to the funerals of my parents and grandparents. My initial sadness inevitably intensifies.
But then I see a relative, friend, or neighbor standing in line or sitting in a pew. There’s a warm greeting, an exchange of pleasantries, and usually a promise that we never keep.
“We need to catch up.”
We don’t.
We race back into our lives, our worries, and the doldrums of the day. We go back to being “busy.”
There used to be a time when we made more of a point of connecting and staying in touch. We spent more time in our churches, clubs, civic organizations, neighborhood groups, and just sitting around with other people.
Now, I have a better idea of what my neighbor is eating for dinner than I do about how they’re actually doing.
This didn’t start with social media.
Long before Facebook and Instagram, researchers noticed a decline in Americans participating in social groups as television became a bigger part of everyday life.
Then social media came along, and our lack of personal contact just dropped more.
I remember thinking how great social media seemed. I could find old friends and acquaintances more easily. It also gave me a glimpse into their lives.
But that glimpse isn’t really a glimpse into someone’s life, is it? It’s the life they want you to know. Seeing someone isn’t the same as knowing someone. Liking a picture or making a comment isn’t the same as having a conversation.
Social media gives us remarkable access to one another, but people need “real” connection. We need to communicate and have someone listen. Posting a picture of a beautiful sunset isn’t the same as telling someone how you battled ankle-breaking mole tunnels to get that perfect shot.
Humans need these interactions. We need to know someone will listen, care, and even help when needed.
Even the most introverted or shy among us needs some degree of human connection. If you don’t believe me, watch a season of Alone. One of the bigger struggles those contestants face isn’t hunger or cold. It’s missing someone.
That's because we aren’t built to exist entirely alone.
And community gives us a place to go.
A church, a civic organization, a historical society, a gardening club, a volunteer group, a neighborhood association, they aren’t just places to spend an evening. They are networks of people who can recognize one another, help one another, and occasionally get something done.
That’s an important distinction.
You can post online that a dangerous intersection needs a crosswalk. A few people might agree with you.
Or you can get ten people from your neighborhood in the same room, figure out who needs to be contacted, attend a city meeting, and keep showing up until somebody listens.
One is a post.
The other is a community.
And communities have a way of connecting to other communities. The person you meet through a gardening club knows someone on the parks committee. Your neighbor knows someone at the local school. Someone from the historical society knows someone who can help preserve a building.
The connections multiply.
That’s how things actually change.
So maybe we should find our people before we need them.
If you find yourself watching videos of cats and dogs, people mowing yards, or you simply enjoy reading about history, find people who share your interests. Join that gardening club. Attend a historical meeting. Volunteer.
Next time you scroll across an old friend’s post, or even think of them, reach out and say hi. Find out how they’re doing, and when you say you should catch up, actually catch up.
I’m not going to say I’m dying to go to a funeral, but they are one of the few events that still manage to pull people out of their routines and put them in the same room.
And isn’t it nice to see all those people?