By NICK GOSNELL
Hutch Post
HUTCHINSON, Kan. — The holiday season after a loved one dies is difficult, and it's okay to do things differently to cope.
"Those who are bereaved belong to the biggest club in the world that no one wants to be in," said Stacy Goss with Hospice and Homecare of Reno County. "This makes the holidays especially difficult, because many things can be triggers or just reminders of those who aren't here with us to celebrate. People don't have control over any of these triggers and they typically cannot avoid them."
Since that is the case, give yourself permission for things to not be the same.
"If there's a particular role in a family tradition, for instance, that is now left unfulfilled, plan ahead, or possibly skip that part, or maybe have somebody else stand in," Goss said. "For instance, with Christmas, if somebody always dressed up like Santa, but that person is no longer with us this year, you could remember him or her in a different way, such as having a different family member dress up, or you could reminisce by looking at photos from previous years instead of doing that activity."
It's important to acknowledge the person's absence, but try not to let it have too much of an effect on how you treat the others in the family.
"People just want to be treated normally when a loved one passes away," Goss said. "You should never avoid somebody because they've had a recent loss. There are a few things that you do want to say, which I've gethered from some of our grief and bereavement resources. Very simple words, like, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I don't know what to say, but I'll be glad to listen, or even offering them help, but being aware that they may politely decline."
Hospice and Homecare offers both in-person and Zoom grief and loss support groups. Those meet on Mondays at 1 p.m. at their offices at 2020 North Waldron.